Inner Child Work

Reconnecting with the Inner Child within

Inner Child Work has really become popular over the last 4 years or so, hasn't it? I remember when I first started hearing the term and I just didn't understand, do we all have an Inner Child? What does 'Work' even mean, why do I have to do 'work', is she hurt, does she need help? Haha So many questions!

Let's unpack a few of them to begin, because there are a few misconceptions, and also it isn't as grand as some may think!

I've seen some creators talk about how reconnecting with your Inner Child is about learning to embrace the things they always wanted to do, reconnecting with the sense of fun and play they used to embody as a child. And while that's definitely a way to give your Inner Child permission to be expressed and come out of it's inner safety and be seen, it's not really what Inner Child Work is.

If we talk about Inner Child Work as an overall concept, we go deep into the subconscious mind and our unconscious programmed habits. Our Inner Child houses the parts of us who were rejected, abandoned, never felt good enough, worthy enough, accepted or like they belonged with their family. These Inner Child parts can be in control of our behaviours and actions as adults, as a way of trying to reconcile and meet the needs that weren't met in childhood.

Do you have a friend who seems to be always dating someone, never really single for long, it kinda seems like they are always seeking male attention, there's always some kind of drama in their life, and they just can't seem to settle down or find stability?

Well that might be because as a child their need for attention wasn't met by their Dad, maybe he was absent through work, or her Mum took up so much of his attention, there just wasn't enough left for her? This could be the unmet need this kind of behaviour is trying to meet now as an adult. It's not as though she's trying to meet it knowing about it, this is all happening at a subconscious level, one which is outside her awareness.

And that's the thing, every driver behind every action is out of our awareness, until we do the work to uncover what that is. And we usually won't begin until we're at a place where a part of our life is so uncomfortable that we are forced to make a change.

Don't worry, that's what happened to me too! I think it's a part of the process and the journey to becoming your whole self. It also gives you a huge driver for doing the 'Work' and not giving up, because anything is better than where you were before.

So going back to the behaviour and unmet need, when we break it down, in order for that person to step into their mature and full-fledged adult self, who is making choices that are conscious and aligned with who she wants to be now, she would need to uncover what happened, grieve what need wasn't met as a child, and learn how to have that need for attention met now in a healthy way.

This is Inner Child Healing.

The biggest part of the process is learning to allow our bodies to feel and process Grief. Because Grief is a huge part of processing and metabolising the experience we had, in order to let go of the energetic attachment to the behaviours we adopted as a way of getting our needs met.